Day 1: lunch

Lunch was tuna with romaine lettuce, tomatoes, cheddar cheese, dash of garlic and lemon and a small cucumber. I drank a large glass of water and am now going to go write down my calories and figure out something sweet for later.

Day 1: breakfast

Breakfast today was oatmeal with bananas, walnuts, a teaspoon of honey, and milk. It was amazing and tasted like banana bread! The plan now is to get in my workout clothes and use my bike pedals to workout for 30 minutes while watching tv with the kids. I am counting calories but still trying to eat as healthy as possible, but I will eat cookies and goodies too as long as I can squeeze them into my calorie intake. :)

For lunch: I am thinking a healthy tuna salad with chopped onions and mushrooms, lettuce, tomatoes, and some lemon. :)

Realization

The number on the scale was daunting. 368.8 pounds. How did I get here? I don't eat entire pizzas and 5 burgers with 5 fries at a time. I like chocolate and cake but I don't eat them every day.


I started becoming overweight when I was ten. It was just a few pounds over and not a big deal. When I was 12 I remember going to the doctor and weighing 165 pounds. I didn't look chubby but just a little more filled out than my skinnier friends and cousins. The doctor said not to worry and just maintain the weight I was at and I would be fine.


At fourteen I remember being "curvy" and talking to a curvier friend. She weighed 220 and I weighed 210. I was happy to have a friend who understood the plight of a curvy teen and not really being worried about being 50 pounds overweight. I am 5'9 so honestly it was a lot less noticeable on me than on someone who was 5'0.


At sixteen I was 240 pounds and when I look back now I wonder why I ever thought I was fat. I looked fantastic compared to now. I wish I could go back in time and kick myself!


At 20 I went to work at disney world and weighed somewhere between 290 and 300 pounds. I was walking a lot with my job and because of much stress with my roommates lost 40 pounds in 5 months. I came home weighing 260 and feeling really good about myself only to not have a job for three months and ending up sitting around all summer eating nachos with my friend and gaining 20 pounds back.


I got married at 22 and still was at about 285 which I thought I would stay at. Had a baby nine months later and actually lost a few pounds, only to be gained back later plus a few. The second baby came and I was at 310 which didn't change much when the 3rd baby came. The fourth baby put me up to 330 at my biggest and I remember crying so hard about how big I was. After she was born my depression and anxiety deepened. Even though I was at about 310 after she was born I gained almost 60 pounds in a year which puts me where I am right now.


I have had a few stints with weight watchers which have had me lose 25-30 pounds but I always gained it back and more. I have tried powder drinks, cabbage diets, and almost any diet you can think of but even though it works at first I always end up worse than I was before. I recently tried giving up sugar and flour. The pounds FLEW off and I felt really good but at about 10 days in I would have killed for a candy bar.


So here I am 30, "morbidly" obese (I will admit that I look "obese" but to me morbidly obese is someone who can't fit into a seat at the movie theater and can't walk and has to be in a wheelchair) and failed at almost every diet imaginable. With a family history of heart problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol I have to do something. So here I go, probably destined to fail but still willing to try. Today I will battle for my life, for my children that I might see them grow up and might meet my grandchildren, for my family so I can be there through this life with them, and mostly for myself. God gave me this life so that I could live it, so I could fight the hard battles and learn from them, so I could learn how strong I really am and show myself that I am worth it.