The number on the scale was daunting. 368.8 pounds. How did I get here? I don't eat entire pizzas and 5 burgers with 5 fries at a time. I like chocolate and cake but I don't eat them every day.
I started becoming overweight when I was ten. It was just a few pounds over and not a big deal. When I was 12 I remember going to the doctor and weighing 165 pounds. I didn't look chubby but just a little more filled out than my skinnier friends and cousins. The doctor said not to worry and just maintain the weight I was at and I would be fine.
At fourteen I remember being "curvy" and talking to a curvier friend. She weighed 220 and I weighed 210. I was happy to have a friend who understood the plight of a curvy teen and not really being worried about being 50 pounds overweight. I am 5'9 so honestly it was a lot less noticeable on me than on someone who was 5'0.
At sixteen I was 240 pounds and when I look back now I wonder why I ever thought I was fat. I looked fantastic compared to now. I wish I could go back in time and kick myself!
At 20 I went to work at disney world and weighed somewhere between 290 and 300 pounds. I was walking a lot with my job and because of much stress with my roommates lost 40 pounds in 5 months. I came home weighing 260 and feeling really good about myself only to not have a job for three months and ending up sitting around all summer eating nachos with my friend and gaining 20 pounds back.
I got married at 22 and still was at about 285 which I thought I would stay at. Had a baby nine months later and actually lost a few pounds, only to be gained back later plus a few. The second baby came and I was at 310 which didn't change much when the 3rd baby came. The fourth baby put me up to 330 at my biggest and I remember crying so hard about how big I was. After she was born my depression and anxiety deepened. Even though I was at about 310 after she was born I gained almost 60 pounds in a year which puts me where I am right now.
I have had a few stints with weight watchers which have had me lose 25-30 pounds but I always gained it back and more. I have tried powder drinks, cabbage diets, and almost any diet you can think of but even though it works at first I always end up worse than I was before. I recently tried giving up sugar and flour. The pounds FLEW off and I felt really good but at about 10 days in I would have killed for a candy bar.
So here I am 30, "morbidly" obese (I will admit that I look "obese" but to me morbidly obese is someone who can't fit into a seat at the movie theater and can't walk and has to be in a wheelchair) and failed at almost every diet imaginable. With a family history of heart problems, diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol I have to do something. So here I go, probably destined to fail but still willing to try. Today I will battle for my life, for my children that I might see them grow up and might meet my grandchildren, for my family so I can be there through this life with them, and mostly for myself. God gave me this life so that I could live it, so I could fight the hard battles and learn from them, so I could learn how strong I really am and show myself that I am worth it.
